Sweet Cheese...she can be the most darling little thing and she can also be the most hateful prat that God put on the face of this earth.
This week we had a short week at school which is always a treat. We only have ten days left at this point but Thursday she pleaded for her Monster to spend the night. I agreed, Monster and Cheese had not had a slumber party in a while, Monster's mom is a teacher so she is crazy busy with all the year end things. The afternoon and night go as beautifully as it possibly can. There were no fights, no screaming, no hitting or pulling hair. They just played, they were just little girls. The took baths and went right to bed like sweet angels.
Morning came, and again, we spent it with no effort, just playing. It was like a dream come true. I went early and retrieved Monster's mom, Shit Weasel. She is down a vehicle at the moment so I did what any one's Bitch Monkey would do and went to get her. We got to do something we rarely do together, we zoned out on shitty television while the babes in toyland played. Around lunch we were reaching total saturation, this is the point in time when the girls have had absolutely enough of each other and should be separated because physical violence usually ensues.
All 3 of the big kids, Man, Monster and Cheese whine that they are hungry...do I look like a chef?? I keep sloughing them off and saying "Just a minute" but in Brianna's own words "just a minute never freakin' comes, Mommy". I tell them I will be there soon enough and to go play. They decide that they are going to play Kerplunk only this one is the Toy Story version and it's a rocket that you fill with LGM (Little Green Men) instead of marbles.
Here comes Monster around the corner, pouty face perfectly intact. "She won't let me help her put the sticky things in."
From the kitchen I hear Cheese, "She can put the ay-glee-ins in."
Me: "Okay, Monster, your job is to put the aliens in, so when she is done putting the stick thingies in, it will be your turn."
This seems like the perfect plan...for the perfect storm.
From the kitchen all I can hear is a low rumbling of bitching between the two of them. Both come from the kitchen, which in our house is has 2 entries to the rest of the house, so they each come from a different direction.
"Cheese is putting the aliens in the rocket and that's my job."
"Well she wasn't doing it fast enough so I can help her."
Me: "Well, you put the sticks in and her job is to put the aliens in. That's what YOU decided."
Monster (always so well meaning yet perfectly timed on when it will piss Cheese off the most): "But that's not fair cause you didn't let me help with the stickies."
Cheese: "Life ain't always about being fair...." in her low Johnny Cash voice with her Gaga eyes. She stomps towards her room and in what can ONLY be described the scene from Jurassic Park when the raptors are on the loose, she slams her head sideways into the wall so hard that it makes our kitchen lights flicker and the a/c kick on.
Shit Weasel turns to look at me, and says "What kind of fucked up life lessons are you teaching this child?"
Good ones, Weasel....VERY good ones.
At least I know she has a a huge shot at the role if Spielberg ever needs another raptor...
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